by Norah Vincent
The author, a lesbian, disguised herself as a man for a year and a half
to infiltrate the male world and see how men are treated. As "Ned," she
joins a men’s bowling league, goes to an Iron John type of men's
retreat, visits a monastery, goes on dates, and works at a "Red Bull"
sales office (for the ostensibly testosterone-fueled atmosphere). This
much more than a "people on the street no longer undressed me with their
eyes" exposé.
Vincent is eminently fair to men and how society
shapes them. She's in fact remarkably perceptive; her ability to see
others' perspectives is undoubtedly part of her success at masquerading
as a man with little more disguise than a rumpled shirt, a sports bra,
and square-framed glasses. The conclusions that she reaches — that a
men’s movement is necessary to heal both men and women; that masculinity
is an integral part of the male experience and should be preserved;
that men and women are startlingly different on nearly every scale, from
perception to expression; that a lot of men are in pain from familial
and social pressures to subscribe to a warped emotional isolationism;
that men are at the mercy of female attention and sexuality at least as
much as women are at the mercy of male power, and the effect on both
sides is belittling — are based on solid reasoning drawn from her
experiences. I was very impressed with this book. At the beginning, she
apologizes to the reader for her mass deceptions, which were necessary
to write the book. I myself don't care too much about her infiltrating a
monastery or men's retreat (though I understand those that would find
it intolerable) — however, I keep thinking about the lonely, hurt women
she dated. Playing with people's hearts is to me her cruelest deception.
five stars
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